my feeble attempt at accountability

Consider this a little something I'd call a "Rapid Fire Post!"

It is the Lenten Season! Merry Lenten! haha... So today I've been debating the whole idea of "Sacrificing" something for Lent. Things like soda... or ice cream... or wearing toe socks... or something like that. I have done (some) of these ideas (not the toe socks - i couldnt live w/o em! haha... in 1998...) and its been challenging, and after I would feel proud of myself for "actually" doing it. If you know me at all, I tend to have a passionate start for projects or programs I put myself on and then fizzle. While this is a good lesson in "sticking with it" I had to reflect on what it did to strengthen me spiritually. Nothing really. I also found that I subconsciously liked the "dietary" benefits from refraining from junk food. not the point. I feel the argument of "giving something up just to feel sacrifice" is unjust. Can you really compare not eating ice cream for a month and a half to Jesus' death? Now, let me make clear that I am not bashing anyones sacrifices, or trying to put an end to the idea full stop - I just wanted to do something a little different. 

"What goes in, comes out" - An elementary truth to the Christian life. This year I have decided to do a little "Personal Media Fast". Not every day, but enough days I can waste hours watching horrible t.v., even when it is just on in the background... just turn it off woman! I realized the other day I spend an average of 1.5 - 2 hours a day in the car. Thats alot! At night or when I have some free day time - I like the read. I am in the middle of the second Twilight book - New Moon. When adding all these things together, I realized all the small changes I could make to really focus this Easter. Listen to Christian music exclusively (great for in the car), read the freaking BIBLE instead of a "devotion - ok twilight time" nightly routine, and not watch tv. Now the trick is that this is a PERSONAL fast - so im not going to refuse watching a movie with a friend or insist that a radio station is changed and even Lost and The Office which I watch with the fam is ok - but for my personal time, I am eliminating it. Unfortunately, the personalishness of this fast makes it easy for me cheat. But now I wrote it down. And you read it. so. Ill feel guilty. So thank you! 

p.s. I realize there may be situations where there is much gray area in this plan. I am working on it. :) 

for Courage.

This feeling takes me back to 6th grade. To be specific, the night before my first day of sixth grade. Not only was 6th grade the zenith (reach the zenith.... reach the highest point in the sky...) of awkward for me in life - we're talkin' braces, occasional glasses, bad hair cuts, and the mess of a face that didn't know how to wear make-up - and it all had to take place at a brand new school. Having gone to a microscopic sized Lutheran school, I was not exactly prepared for the big, strange, and most of all Brookfield, Middle School. and I knew it. I saw all the Ugly Betty moments I would have. And I imagined them all night before my first day. I wish I could have a "but it's ok! I ended up loving it!" ending, but I don't. I made some great friends that, in true junior high fashion, turned out to be not-so-great. I switched back to the puny Lutheran School and loved it. 

This kinda feels like that. Tomorrow is the first day of my field work for Early Childhood Education. I am so excited/nervous! Excited - to finally get a taste of what I am in for, because I am with 2nd grade! :) and because it's a new experience. Nervous - I have no idea what I am doing and have no business acting like a teacher when Im NOT one! ahhh! haha I have never been inside an MPS (Milwaukee Public School), and I have heard countless horror stories from other girls in my major. Just this morning I was talking to one who had her first day. "At one point, the teacher just totally lost control of the class and started SCREAMING at them!" uhhh... yikes! One relief is that I do not have to do any planning for the class - just helping! So I know after tomorrow I am sure I'll have a great time... its just getting there. 

Speaking of "Getting There" (yes, this is a test to weed out the hardcore Mary-Kate and Ashley fans from the occasional watchers...) That was the title of my latest poem for my creative writing class :) It just fit, and although I struggled with it because its also the title of the worst movie ever made, I decided to give the title a second chance at success. This class has been amazing! We have poems due every week and get tons of feed back - it feels like a community. Unfortunately, all of the writing I have been doing for that class has kind of taken my blogging energy. Sorry. Maybe I will post some of my finished poems after a few drafts... 

Tonight was one of the nights I love living at home. I finished work and was home and setting the table for dinner. (I thought it would be funny to set Julia's place with a sippy cup and baby silver ware... to which my dad retaliated by switching my cup to a tiny medicine cup when I wasn't looking... oh Dad... ok it doesn't sound funny now but at the time it was). When we got into this conversation about World Injustices. I looked around at how grown up we all were! We got into Darfur and Blood Diamond... and by the end it was hard to not be embarrassed by my own negligence.  Micah 6:8 "What does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and walk humbly with your God." The passion to do justly is fleeting with me. I dream of trips witnessing and being part of breaking social injustice. Then I realize I would rather just sit comfortably. Not that there is only one or the other... It just feels like it is sometimes. How can I help? Step one: Step out of my small world and see the real one right outside. 

Tonight I pray for Courage. For tomorrow and for each day after. The courage to brave the unknown, the courage to make change, and to live the Daring Life.